rollercoaster

Tomorrow I will take three kiddos on an airplane by myself to San Antonio.  Did I mention that Matt's not coming?  I'm freakishly nervous... (inner calm? Summoning you...)  I did this almost 11 months ago, when Leo was only 5 months old, and I was nervous then.  I'm probably more nervous now - this, in part due to the fact that when Matthew traveled solo with the kids in April, it was kind of a disaster.  Poor Dean got sick during the first leg after consuming all of his snacks in 15 minutes.  There were no bags in their seat pockets, so it was quite a mess.  Leo did not want to be held by anyone (flight attendants or nice grandmothers offering to help) except for Matthew, who needed to clean up the nastiness.  Then in the Phoenix airport, Matthew couldn't find a new pair of shorts for Dean.  Dean ended up with an oversized t-shirt and underwear for the remainder of the trip, and Fiona (probably in a fit over not receiving a new shirt for herself) had to be picked up and carried, screaming, to the gate.  Huh.  So here I am, four months later... what am I thinking...  total dread.

Then, sensing my fear and lack of calm - the worst I've felt in months, frankly, Matthew reminded me tonight of this brilliant scene in Parenthood, the climax and probably one of the best scenes of the whole movie.  He had this crystal clear recollection of it, recounting the whole thing to me - trying to calm my nerves, since I couldn't really remember it.  We found it and watched it on youtube afterwards.  I laughed and cried.  And I realize why my dear esposo of almost 12 years is my other half.  How I will miss him these next couple of weeks!