list of calm

I love lists.  This one is about keeping calm.  Here are some of my finds.  I'm writing this post because currently I'm failing at this topic.  So here's a list to get me inspired:

Mmm mm.  Feeling calmer already.

Oh!  Three things first (For when I make it all the way through the list): 1) The British are really interested in calming techniques.  2) The British have inspired me to eat more raisins.  3) The British are naughty.



from:  http://www.dumblittleman.com/2009/05/seven-ways-to-de-stress-instantly.html, author Ali Hale.
Relax, this is the American blog...

1. Go For A Quick Walk 
   Even if you can only spare five minutes, go for a walk (it might just be to the water cooler and back). The aim here is to get yourself away from the immediate source of stress and to calm down. A few minutes to gather your thoughts is all you need to get some perspective.


2. Read Some Fiction
   If I’m seriously worked up, upset or stressed, one of the best things I can do is to grab a book. Fiction is ideal (especially anything funny or uplifting). Reading fiction takes you out of the here-and-now and into a different world. You can forget everything that’s troubling you, for just ten minutes, as you concentrate on the story.


3. Meditate or Pray
   Often, the best thing we can do to instantly de-stress is to simply stop. Many life coaches and stress advisors recommend meditation: there’s no mystery to it, just sit and try to clear your mind of thoughts (perhaps concentrating on a calming image or a word or phrase, if that helps you). I also like to pray – if this suits your religious/spiritual persuasions, it can be a very powerful way to get outside of your own head and call on a higher power for some much-needed help!


4. Watch A Funny Video
   I don’t know about you, but I just can’t stay stressed out when I’m laughing. (It’s like trying to pat my head and rub my tummy at the same time...) If you have a favorite YouTube clip, or if LolCats make you giggle, then give yourself five minutes to indulge. You’ll find that you return to your work – or whatever the source of the stress is – feeling much better equipped to handle it.


5. Make A Herbal Tea
   If you’re feeling uber-stressed, caffeine isn’t going to help. A warm, soothing mug of herbal tea might, though. The act of making yourself a drink can be calming: it gets you away from your desk, and it gives you a chance to concentrate on something physical. You’ll probably also feel a psychological boost from doing something positive and nurturing for yourself.


6. Punch A Pillow
   Depending on where you are when you’re feeling stressed, and on your personality, throwing a few punches at a pillow might help. Think of the stress leaving you through your fist with every punch. (If you’re in the office, please don’t be tempted to use a co-worker as a substitute pillow ... even if said co-worker has caused your stress.)


7. Take Slow, Deep Breaths
   When we get stressed, we tend to breath more quickly, taking shallow breaths. Concentrate on your breathing (you might want to do this in conjunction with meditation or prayer). Imagine breathing from your stomach, not your chest. Take slow, deep, fulfilling breaths. Calming your body down physically in this way is likely to have a knock-on effect on your frazzled mental state.

from: http://www.dumblittleman.com/2010/08/how-to-keep-your-cool-12-tips-for.html, author Susie Michelle.

1. Strive to not catastrophize
   It's easy to dramatize and make something a bigger deal than it is. When you are relating the problem to yourself, avoid the urge to magnify the negative. Strike the words always and whenever. You might feel like Stuart Smalley, but it can really help to re-frame the problem in your mind by saying things like "I can cope," "It's not that big a deal," and "I'm bigger than this."


2. Think before you Share
   Don't describe or blog or tweet about the problem. Don't talk it over with your friends right away; let it stew a little in your mind so you can settle down a little. Sometimes, well-meaning friends will sympathize too much, which may only add fuel to your fire and get you even more upset.


3. Discover metaphors and visualizations that help you stay calm
   Here's one that helps me: I try to imagine my problem as a knot. The more I panic and pull on the ends, the tighter the knot cinches. But, when I adopt a singular focus, a calm takes over and I can loosen one strand at a time.
   
   It might also help if you can visualize yourself acting with patience and focus. Lower your voice and try to move as slowly as possible. Speak slowly and softly. Become the calm, unflappable person you see in your mind.
   
   Here's another technique: Do you know anyone whom you would describe as unflappable? Try to think of what this person would do in your situation.


4. Note your patterns of exasperation Are there any specific situations that cause you to lose your cool? Look at specific patterns -- from time of day, to level of stress (or level of boredom), to blood sugar levels. Do you tend to lose it when it's too noisy – or too quiet? Knowing about your own patterns can go a long way in helping you keep your cool throughout the day.


5. Realize that you can control your emotions
   Reflect on times when you were able to successfully stay calm in a frustrating situation. Maybe it was a time when you wanted to yell at your spouse or your kids, but then the doorbell rang and you were able to instantly shift gears. Consider that you might be able to do this repeatedly, as long as you know your triggers – and some tips for keeping a calm mindset.


6. Create a calm environment with peaceful rituals
   If calm music soothes you, use it. If silence soothes you, use it. Maybe you'll play some soothing instrumental music or maybe you'll dim the lights and light some scented candles.
   
   When you are coming home from work, give yourself a few moments to calm your mind before you go charging into an evening at home with your kids. Sit in the car for a few minutes and take some deep breaths. Kick off your shoes and sip a glass of water. Rituals can also be tremendously soothing during the transition periods of your day.


7. Take care of the essentials
   Make sure you are getting enough sleep and getting enough protein, fiber, vitamins and minerals. I tend to lose my temper way more often if I'm low on blood sugar. But, get a little protein in me, and it's (relatively) smooth sailing.
   
   Also make sure you are getting physical exercise. A daily workout can give you the physical release that can help you control your anxiety. If I'm feeling particularly stressed, I trade my half-hour run for a half hour of kickboxing. This helps.
   
   Stay away from too much sugar and caffeine and stay hydrated. Drink a tall glass of water and see if you feel better, more calm and alert.


8. Focus on the mind and spirit, too
   Depending on your spiritual tradition, engage in a routine of meditation or prayer. Practice yoga - or just sit quietly for awhile. Developing peace of mind is a skill that will serve you well your whole life through. Take a meditation class, and learn techniques to help you get control over your monkey mind.


9. Distract yourself Instead of ruminating, find something fun, engaging, and constructive to do. Try to laugh (or laugh at yourself.) Watch a funny movie or read a blog that always make you laugh. When you lighten up, it's a lot easier to keep your cool.
   
10. Take a day off
    I always know I really need a day off when I fight like crazy to not take one. If I can force myself to take an entire day away from my work, I always come back more calm, assured, and filled with fresh ideas.


11. Don't forget to breathe When my kids were very small, we helped them to calm down by teaching them belly breathing, and it still works – for them and for me. Diaphragmatic breathing helps you alleviate your stress in the moment and it gives you a minute or two to calm down, often just long enough for you to assess the situation and help you regain your sense of control.
    
    In a good belly breath, your belly will actually rise and fall. To practice, put your hand on your belly. Inhale through your nose and see if your hand rises as you breathe in. Hold the breath for a few counts and slowly breathe out.


12. Reflect on quotes that can help you calm your mindHere are a few that I find inspiring:

    "You are the sky. Everything else – it's just the weather." Pema Chodron

    "A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe." Wayne Dyer

And two British posts:

from: http://www.bbc.co.uk/parenting/family_matters/you_stressbusting.shtml, written specifically for parents.

1. Take your time.  Most of your everyday activities will take longer when you have a child. Give yourself extra time to avoid the feeling of being rushed. Your children will react better when the pressure is off.
2. Think about whether an issue is really worth worrying about. For example, you may decide that you need to intervene if your children are being unkind to each other, but that it's not worth taking a stand over whether plates are left in the sink or put in the dishwasher. Save your energy for issues which really matter to your family and let the little things go by.
3. Think positive. Self talk is the conversation you have in your mind - planning your next activity, commenting on what you and others are doing, and so on. When self talk is positive, you are likely to be calmer and more relaxed. For example if you say to yourself "I can do this" or "I'm good at making decisions" you are encouraging yourself and will feel less stressed. Negative self talk such as "This is terrible" and "I'm hopeless" will do the opposite and reduce your confidence. Pay attention to your self talk and keep it positive.
4. Include relaxing activities in your daily routine. Listen to calm music, a relaxation tape or CD, or a talking book, and allow your mind to take a break as well as your body. Your children benefit from a period of quiet time every day and so will you.
5. Try a simple relaxation exercise. When you feel tension building, use a quick technique to calm down, such as this breathing exercise. 

A quick way to tackle tension

• Take a slow deep breath in and out again, then carry on breathing gently and calmly
• Let your shoulders drop down and your hands go floppy at your sides
• Smooth out your forehead and let your jaw drop slightly
• Notice your mind relaxing as your body softens

Staying calm

Sometimes you feel as if you're at the end of your tether, or you need to do something to stop you losing your cool with your child. These are some practical tips that other parents have found useful to keep tension under control.

• Phone a friend or family member
• Get some fresh air for a moment
• Count to ten then ask yourself: "Do I feel calm?" If the answer is no, carry on counting until you can say yes
• Laugh out loud, laughter releases tension
• Put on your favourite music
• Throw your energy into a big cleaning session
• Have a drink of water or make yourself a cup of tea
• Think about a loving moment with your child, perhaps a cuddle at bedtime or a caring remark
• Give your child a hug
• Remind yourself of that surge of emotion when your child was born. You could look through a photo album or a diary of your child's birth, for example
• Say to yourself: "Keep calm, think positive"
• Phone a helpline for support.

from http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/stressbustingtechniques.htm

Take regular breaks at work

Many people work long hours. Sometimes this can’t be avoided, but taking sufficient breaks can go a long way to combating stress.  Lunch, it seems, has become one of the biggest casualties in our rushed lifestyles.  Jane Tobbell, senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Metropolitan University says: ‘Time spent away from the office is not necessarily time spent away from productivity. Sitting at the same desk in the same office all day every day will result in poor performance.’  Going without lunch – especially if you also stay indoors at your desk in the middle of the day – is not a kind or good way to treat your body and mind.  So, try to take regular breaks at work and at least a 30-minute break for lunch.

Don't underestimate fresh air

As a nation, most of us probably don't get enough fresh air, which may contribute to our stress levels.
Previous generations spent far more time in the open air because there were no cars, and they walked far greater distances then we do today. They also played more sport out of doors before the advent of gyms and leisure centres.  Most of us feel more tranquil in the outdoors – particularly in the countryside or at the coast. Even in the most urban setting there are usually parks. Walking in a leafy environment seems to soothe our minds. And it is undeniably good for our bodies because trees and bushes generate oxygen and soak up carbon dioxide. So, we tend to feel healthier and more energized if we can sit or walk somewhere where there are plenty of trees.  Another factor is that, as a rule, noise levels are much lower in leafy environments than they are when we’re in the office or walking along a busy street.  The impact on our stress levels of this everyday noise should not be underestimated.  If you want to feel less stressed, try to get more fresh air by going out into the countryside at the weekend, or making use of city parks.

Keep changes simple

Other ways to improve your stress levels include listening to music you like, meeting up with friends more regularly, making time for your leisure interests and taking up some regular sport – competitive or otherwise.  Now, let’s look at some other methods of relaxing and thus reducing tension.

The 10-minute chill out

This entails sitting or lying down quietly for 10 minutes to clear your head of clutter and fill it instead with pleasant, tranquil thoughts. You shouldn't read, watch TV or walk around. Just be - and let your mind drift.

Orgasm

People don't often say this in polite company, but there are few things more relaxing in life than the aftermath of an orgasm. It doesn't cost anything, and you don't even need to do it with anyone else.
The post-orgasmic phase makes you tranquil and soporific and it should also remove all the knots of tension from your head and shoulders.

Relaxation tapes

These really work, so long as you do them daily. There are many brands – some of which you can find in your local chemist or health shop, others are only available by mail order.

Hypnosis

Hypnosis helps people relax. It also buoys them up so that they feel better about themselves.  The hypnotic state is a natural one that many of us lapse into daily. When you walk to the local shop and can't remember crossing the road, you've really been in a hypnotic state: your mind has been elsewhere while your body has been working on auto-pilot.  There are people who find they can take themselves down into a deeply relaxed state. Others learn it from tapes or books.

But you may want to have some hypnosis – or learn self-hypnosis – from a professional. If so, do make sure you go to someone who is properly qualified and accredited with a reputable organisation, such as the National Council for Hypnotherapy.

Meditation

There are several different kinds of meditation – some of which have strong religious overtones. The essence of meditation is to bring total relaxation to the person practising it.  The deep relaxation, which can be achieved through meditation, is similar to the hypnotic state.  Different methods vary, but often meditation requires you to sit for 20 minutes twice a day, and focus on the present while repeating a mantra to clear your mind.  A mantra just means a special word of your choice. The word is usually a sound that has no particular meaning.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness has suddenly become popular – and all sorts of groups of people are now recommending it, or incorporating it into various therapeutic models. Cognitive behaviour therapists and compassion therapists in particular have been quick to see its value.

Mindfulness is actually an old technique and it plays an essential part in the teachings of Buddha.  Essentially, it's an acceptance and awareness of our thoughts and feelings.
Often when people are stressed, they constantly strive to ‘stop the feelings’ of stress and tension that are so horrid to live with. This is why people will often resort to alcohol and drugs of various kinds – both prescribed medication and legal or illegal leisure substances. 

Mindfulness encourages us to be curious about the feelings and to own them and be with them. This brings about a sense of relaxation and perspective.

One common way of doing mindfulness is to use a raisin.  What you do is this: you pick one raisin and then you sit quietly examining this raisin from every angle. You hold it carefully in your hands and you gently feel it – as you do so, you actively notice the many grooves in it and any gradations of colour.
You then examine its texture and how it feels on your fingers – is it sticky, uneven to the touch? What do you notice? After focusing on the sight and feel of the raisin for several minutes, you eventually put it into your mouth. You let your tongue play with it. You notice the indentations and the grooves. You notice what it tastes like.

Then after another few minutes, you bite into it gently and you notice the release of sweetness. Let it linger on your tongue, not biting further, just focussing on it and learning things about it that you would never have normally considered. Gradually it will begin to dissolve and you will chew on it a little and then slowly swallow it. This whole sequence should last at least 10 minutes. Most people feel much more centred and peaceful when they have done it. 

If you are very stressed, it would be a good idea to do this at least twice a day.

Massage

Massage is wonderful for ridding the body of tension. It's also useful for people who are unhappy. The feel and touch of someone's healing hands on your body can make you feel cared for and lift your mood.
Many beauty salons, hotels, gyms and spas offer massage. There are different types, and you can choose between something soothing or a session that's more rigorous – such as a sports or deep tissue massage.
Alternatively, some chiropractors or osteopaths will advise on good massage – and often they can recommend someone who practices in the same building or nearby.

Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy is based on the healing properties of essential oils.
They can be used as part of a massage, or you can dab the oils on your skin, pillow to help you sleep etc.
Whether or not you believe the oils can actually cure physical problems, there's little doubt that vast numbers of people enjoy the feel and fragrance of them.
Aromatherapy is now used in hospitals and hospices as well as in health clinics and gyms.

Bach remedies

The soothing flower remedies invented by Dr Edward Bach (1886–1936) are widely believed to help ease stressful situations. They are available in most pharmacies.

Yoga

Yoga is a form of exercise that's quite demanding. Some of the positions aren't easy, but it does leave those who practise it feeling refreshed and relaxed afterwards.
Yoga tones up the body and helps make it more supple, but it also has a spiritual dimension, and most people who do yoga regularly do seem to become more poised and peaceful.

The Bowen technique

This is a gentle, relaxing hands-on therapy that was developed in Australia by Tom Bowen.
During a Bowen session, practitioners make light, precise rolling movements with their thumbs and fingers on certain points of your body. The techniques can be performed through light clothing.
It's practised all over the world and is a fast-growing complementary therapy: www.bowen-technique.co.uk. 

Okay, I have enough to get me started.  One of these should work.  

prickly again

Remember this mood?  Well, it's back.  I think it's cyclical for me.  Or maybe it's because little Leo has been battling a stomach flu for almost a week now, poor guy, and it's taking a toll on me.  Actually, it started before the flu.  So here is my list to channel some calm. and joy.

1. Look at this prickly pear!  It's from our visit to my grandfather's ranch back in April.  So beautiful.  Okay, just thought I'd start there.
2. I'm going back to Texas (um, in August, not the best time to go, but) - Fiona is in my cousin's wedding in Houston, and after much deliberation, I decided to stay for 10 days to get a little beach time in at my parent's place on the coast.  And take the boys too.  By myself.  Wait!  These are supposed to be my calm and happy thoughts!  I just couldn't keep the boys away from an opportunity to visit almost all of their cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and vice-versa.  So it's done.  It promises to be memorable for all.
3. Mi esposo is headed for Oklahoma in April for his father's retirement.  He's braver than I thought - he will also be traveling solo with all three.  So we both will need some good ideas for keeping the kids entertained and occupied on these long flights.  Meanwhile, I've decided to stay home and host our second girls' weekend with my mom and sisters!  Not sure if everyone is able to make it, but it looks promising.  After all, it's been two years and four pregnancies later!!  It also happens to fall on my 35th birthday.  So, I will be celebrating either way.
4. I'm traveling to LA this April, just before #3 above, for a work-related conference for four days!  I'm going to be a panelist on the last day, which is a little daunting, but I have also booked several mobile tours to relax, learn about the city, and see lots of cool stuff!  I'm so excited.  I feel like this is one city that I don't know well enough as a west coast urban designer, so I am happy to finally take in the sights and learn lots!

There are actually lots more motivators, but I am a big proponent of scheduling trips and visits with loved ones to get me through my moodiness.  So that's the underlying theme here. I feel better already. 

I've also started collecting calming techniques as part of my Keep Calm 2012.  Stay tuned.  I need a one-stop list when I start to get prickly.  Breathe.

Mapping our lives

We were having a dinner conversation (yes! it can be done!) last night about where each of us was born, looking at the U.S.A. placemats.  In the case of my three kiddos, it so happens that they were all born in the same hospital, just down the hall from one another, in different years.  Of course, my birthplace is off the map, so my dear esposo explained to Dean where Panama is, and then proceeded to narrate the story of all the places where I grew up - in order, ending with where Daddy and Mommy met (College Station, TX), got married (San Antonio), first lived together (Dallas), went to grad school (Seattle) and have lived since (Portland). 

Dean watched Daddy's finger point to every place I lived, and when Matt finished, he asked, "But how do you know all the places where Mommy lived even though you weren't with her?"  I was pretty impressed, too - it's a long list of places to keep track of.  I said, "When you love someone, you learn all about them, even the parts that they did before you knew them." 
 "But, Mommy, I really love you, and I don't know all about you." Wow.
"Well, Dean, we have lots of time.  You can ask me any questions, and you'll learn all about me. And I'll keep asking you questions so that I can continue to learn all about you."

I love age 5!  He is soaking it all in. And we need a bigger map.

(p.s. This is a photo that was taken during another dinner conversation, when Dean was told that someday he would grow facial hair.  And, I was lucky enough to capture his bewildered and perplexed reaction!)

Keep Calm in 2012

So I've already come up with my one word resolution for the new year.  And I guess I never settled on one word entirely - serenity? peace? calm? tranquility? but you get the idea...  I can't say that it's a total success yet, but hey, I've got an entire year, right? 

So this gave me the opportunity to dive into every "Keep Calm"  blogging variation imaginable.  These are some of my favorites, starting with the original:

                         

One more bloggy-blogger vying to keep calm in this world. Well, it certainly can’t hurt.

I’m also starting a little photo-journaling project – my siblings and I are all snapping our hearts out with a photo-a-day this year.  It will be fun to compare notes!  Here’s mine.

What else can I promise myself for 2012?  More dates con mi esposo.  A more productive work-week. Sewing. Reading. Walks. Hikes. Yoga. Finishing projects that I started back in 2009 (ahem, wedding album). A kibosh on spending $$.  A clean house. Okay, enough with these resolutions already.  Happy New Year.

December Album: Happy End of 2011