A book review: Raising Cain

I recently finished reading Raising Cain for one of my two(!) book clubs - this book club focuses on mamahood and raising children (my other book club is focused on current fiction, mostly).  It was a pretty sobering book:  the premise is that boys aren't receiving the "emotional literacy" to respond to the situations and changes that they face throughout boyhood - instead they often resort to stoicism or solitude.  The topics of sex, alcoholism, depression, suicide, and violence, for this mother-of-a-four-year-old-boy were a bit alarming.  I definitely became more self-aware and probably self-conscious of everyday interactions with my boy...  maybe even paranoid.  Unlike the other books we've read for our book club, Raising Cain didn't include a "how to" or guidance to prevent such horrible outcomes that were presented as case studies... until the very last chapter.  I am so glad I stuck with it, but WOW.  The book could have been more instructive throughout.  At least to prevent some hyperventilating.

Despite my apprehensions with this book, it was truly enlightening.  Other books we've read, such as How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (which I strongly recommend), also emphasize the need to encourage our children to express their feelings by gently expressing our own.  Raising Cain offered the same advice, only it was not shy about presenting some consequences for not doing this.  And the consequences took many scary forms.

The authors' emphasis on the importance of "emotional literacy" - for which moms and dads play unique roles in shaping - was really eye-opening.  I have so much to be thankful for in that my DH of 10 years has a tremendous capacity to love and express love to our children, and he has had a significant role in their childcare.  Which is apparently a huge deal anecdotally and statistically.  How lucky is this mama?

The other part that really resonated with me, especially because I have a hard time relating to it, focused on the unique behavior of boys that can, well, sometimes drive me crazy - the constant activity, movement, fiddling with everything, impulsiveness, not thinking-before-acting...  This is all pretty new to me, and according to Matthew, the apple hasn't fallen too far from the tree - not his tree, anyway.  I've found myself overwhelmed at times by my need for more order and control (the enfj in me?  particularly the "J" - I knew those project management classes would come in handy).  What?!  A losing battle, clearly.  The book encourages us to embrace this behavior and not respond with too much outright negativity (unless it's entirely appropriate).  Basically, give boys a safe place to express their high level of activity.  Now, that may have seemed obvious, but what a relief for me!  I should not only expect it, but I should celebrate their exuberance.  Celebrate exuberance!  That actually sounds like fun - and just the nudge I needed as I am about to become a mother of two boys... What great advice for me in the year of JOY.

a new goal in progress

I've alluded to this before:  my dedication to blogging is not as great as my dedication to list-making.

So, I went back through my past lists.  Oh, dear.  Progress is slow on all fronts.  But, wait!  Since my last post (well, the post before I was prickly), I added one more goal, and I am 25% from completing it!

My new goal is work-related: I am taking a series of project management courses, and by the end of May, I will be certified in project management!  What?!  It all started when a friend of mine was asking about my job, and what it trains people in project management.  Which is zilch.  So after thinking and talking it through, I decided to get some training on my own.  I researched Portland State University's extended studies program, found some Friday classes, made childcare arrangements, and negotiated my work and union to pay for my time and the class so that it covers daycare costs as well.  The decision to go for it, along with rearranging our Friday schedule took place within a couple of days at the beginning of the month - less than a week before the class series began.  Whew.  So, I've been busy.

These classes have me totally thinking of my dad and brother and brother-in-law, since I have this impression that project management is something that the military must train people in regularly (though I have no idea; am I right about this?).  The jargon is kind of male, such as "don't solve the problem, get the problem solved" and "manage expectations".  Part of me gets excited about this stuff, and the other part of me is trying not to roll my eyes.  Or maybe I have just been too heavily influenced by my book club's recent read: The Female Brain (Read this book!  The subject matter will have to be another post soon...)  But the class is not heavily attended by males - in fact, the ratio is 3:1, with more females.  Go girls! 

So that is my new goal in progress.  The good news is that I think it will give me some confidence and build my skills in the workplace, which is just the boost I need.  I've already taken the first couple of classes, which were on "Project Planning".  It sounds a little dry, but it's very hands-on, and it's helping me to organize my thoughts better.  Stay tuned...

Remembering cascarones

This Easter I am teaching Dean's classroom how to make cascarones.  I can't wait to share this family tradition - it's amazing how little is known throughout this country about this funny little custom.  Even during my college years at Texas A&M University, it was surprising how few Texans had ever heard of cascarones - except for those from San Antonio.  One of Dean's teachers lived in Houston and she said that she had never heard of them.  She asked if there were any books on them.  I told her I would check.  So I have been scouring the internet in search of a book that could help explain cascarones.  To be fair, there are a few children's books that discuss or mention cascarones, but not quite how I would explain them from my own memory and experience.  Then again, I started thinking: we never really discussed in my family what the origins were.  I guess I never questioned it.   

Why did we save eggshells during Lent, decorate them and fill them with confetti, then find and gather them on our Easter Egg hunt, where Mom and Dad (or the Easter bunny) had tucked them into all the hiding places in our backyard, only to crack them on each other's heads?  Where did this come from?  Moving around the country during my formative years as an Air Force brat, I slowly realized that other families just didn't do this.  Then in San Antonio, where my family ended up "returning" (for my parents it was returning, but I am only beginning to think of San Antonio as home - more on that later), cascarones are everywhere - not only for Easter, but during Fiesta Week to celebrate the battle of San Jacinto and Texas Independence.

So back to the book.  I am still unsatisfied from my search.  So now I am adding "Write a children's book on cascarones." to my never-ending list.  I'm actually pretty excited about this.  For Dean's class, I'm just going to have to wing it.

great gift idea

Just got a gift from the kiddos' Aunt Ayme: a pile of books and a CD of her reading all of them!  What a thoughtful and creative idea!  They love it, plus they get to hear her voice whenever they want!  And some of them even have songs that she sings!

(photo from this summer's visit with Aunt Ayme)