Thanksgiving resolution? SERENITY NOW.

I admit, I'm ready for resolutions again.  Maybe it's a sign that I need to get back to list-making.  My recent yoga comeback (which has happened every day but twice!) re-invigorated a little self-reflection about the year of JOY.  It has been a challenging word for me to self-regulate all year, to be completely honest.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful - there is indeed SO MUCH in my life that gives me reason to be joyful - I just believe I'm lacking a critical prerequisite to do so holistically.

I've noticed more and more recently, that if I want to embody joy, I must first embody: calm. peace. relaxation. tranquility.  It hit me this year in October, my crazy time of year, as I'm running around like the proverbial chicken, trying to fulfill birthday and Halloween expectations (my own, probably, above all), within four hectic weeks.  It's next to impossible to feel joyful during the most joyful circumstances, without some inner peace.  Yeah, I need to chill out.  Yoga is helping me to realize some moments of meditation - to clear my mind, stretch my body, and let my tensions melt away.  I haven't done this all year!  How can I hope to emanate joy to those around me when I am not at peace, physically and emotionally?

For this new year (and why wait until the new year?), I'm taking a second cut to holistically embody joy, because it is such a worthy and wonderful virtue - I am once again excited about this goal!  Even more importantly, I will first seek to embody peace.  Ommmmm....

JOY for the New Year

Happy New Year!  What a year!  2010 started out with a New Year's party, posole, and the goal to spend more time with friends and family.  This year we hosted New Year's again, complete with posole and an East Coast countdown for the kids, who didn't quite make it to midnight.  Matthew even led the kids (13 of them!) in a practice countdown (so they'd know what to do - all of them were 4 years old and under) with percussion instruments and kazoos.  Fun times.  Oh, how New Year's Eves have changed...

2010 was an unpredictable year.  I started out with so many goals, and changed course so many times.  I accomplished some of the goals, some not so much. We were able to complete our will, make the final payment on our Subaru, plan our trip to Hawaii to celebrate 10 years of marriage, and figure out a way for me to earn my project management certificate.  Whew.

And then the beginning of my pregnancy spurred a halt in the completion of anything (which lasted a few months).  When I found out that we would become a family of FIVE in March 2011, all my energy seemed to evaporate as this new reality sunk in.  I waited almost 18 weeks before I let the cat out of the bag publicly.  There were so many questions I anticipated that I wouldn't know the answer to, and I really didn't want to hear the questions, e.g. Are you going to stop working?  How much time are you taking off?  Are you going to get a new car?  Are you going to move to a bigger house?  What are you going to do about daycare?  On and on...  I still get the questions and I still don't know all the answers, but it just doesn't matter.  In this two-kid town of Portland, we will have three kids.  Done.  We bought a mini-van, and I kind of like it.  We'll have three kids in daycare for a few months until Dean is in kindergarten, and we're not the first family that has done it.  So freaking what.  Somehow we'll manage.  After all, I am #3 child in my family of SIX, and if my parents were ever freaked out about having three kids when I was born, and then one more after my brother was born, I never knew it.  We were normal.

As I was coming out of my pregnancy brain coma, I worked on Fiona's baby album (which I managed to complete before she turned two!  Yay!), and I started getting excited about the baby in my belly.  Holding Fiona for the first time, introducing her to her big brother, taking her home and bathing her, feeding her, watching her grow and change and develop into a feisty little girl - it all happened quickly and naturally.  She and Dean are now peas in a pod.  So our pod will get a little bigger.

We started sharing our news finally this fall, and I actually was surprised by all of the support (why was this surprising?).  We took some steps back into our social scene, hosting parties to celebrate Matt's, Dean's, and Fiona's birthdays, and we even were convinced to throw another New Year's bash.  My creativity was sparked when my mom visited in November.  She and I were a bustling sewing team, creating skirts and dresses for Fiona, and trading tips on the best sewing blogs (me) and how to fully appreciate the power and skill of my Bernina (Mom).  I have been on a crafting frenzy since she left.

I'm back, and I'm enjoying this sudden burst of energy.

2011 holds so much promise.  My sister issued a one-word challenge for the new year, of one virtue or attitude that we should try to embody.  I immediately thought of JOY.  This new year began with both my children and my husband celebrating joyfully among friends, making all kinds of happy noise to welcome the new year, and the baby in my belly responded with kicks and movement.  For the moment, no one was worrying, anticipating answers to all the unknown questions or challenges of the upcoming year.  It seems so simple, but after the last few months, I want this self-reminder to be jubilant - in thanksgiving of the present and hope for the future.  I will try to embody this feeling of joy.

it's curtains!

[updated with photos]

I finally got around to finishing my curtain!  Just in time to meet my self-imposed deadline.  I've come to realize two things while finishing this project: 

1.  Misunderestimation.  Yeah, I know that's not a real word.  I haven't been really honest with myself on how much I'm taking on in my life.   Besides my blog lists that I keep adding to, Matt and I are also trying to finish constructing our upstairs closet while re-designing and re-building one-third of our backyard.  My own lists never seem to take all of these other things into account.  We just ordered a new fence (he and his dad just ripped out the old), and we've dug out and built a new sand box, plus some fun climbing and play areas for the kids a la pea gravel.  This yard has been such a challenge for me, but I think it's finally come along for such a small and shady space.  It's miles away from what it was four years ago.  Not to mention our nearly-complete closet!

*****
our room with new curtains and matching pillow shams

2.  Blog bog.  Reading blogs about sewing isn't as gratifying as sewing, and it doesn't get me very far in my sewing projects.  I know, that kind of sounds rocket-science, but I thought I'd throw it out there.  I picked up a handful of good sewing blogs, which I love to look at!  But as soon as I stopped looking at them for a week, I finished my curtains.  Plus I started and finished these adorable pajama bottoms for Dean, featuring a sock-monkey print, and I started and finished a lovely curtain for Fiona's room.  Yippee!

*****
 Fiona's new curtains

Nine goals revisted

About these project management classes... I found out with my good, hard-earned money, that all these goals and lists I keep making aren't really achievable if I don't set a deadline.  Oh.

So, if you, gentle readers of the blogisphere, internets, and cyberspace recall, I've made a few proclamations since starting this blog back in January.   Nine, to be exact - that have basically been reduced to nothing unless I quickly revive them with some serious targets and deadlines.  Ahem.
 
So here goes:

1. More time with family and friends.  Weekly check-ins and social events!   (This is my favorite goal.)
2. More time for introspection.  Weekly blogging.
3. Finish my wedding album.  by August 12, 2010 (10 year anniversary!)
4. Finish my bedroom curtains.  by May 15
5. Join a gym, for crying out loud.  Ride bike once a week: alone to work or with 75 lbs of children to neighborhood park.  I'm starting small here... look at all these other goals!
6. Purchase life insurance.  by May 30
7. Finish estate planning.  by May 30
8. Write children's book on cascarones. Uh... 2011?
   
9. Become certified in project management.  by May 28 (last day of class)

Geez, this got really ambitious.  I'm going to bed.  In the next sixty minutes. or so.

a new goal in progress

I've alluded to this before:  my dedication to blogging is not as great as my dedication to list-making.

So, I went back through my past lists.  Oh, dear.  Progress is slow on all fronts.  But, wait!  Since my last post (well, the post before I was prickly), I added one more goal, and I am 25% from completing it!

My new goal is work-related: I am taking a series of project management courses, and by the end of May, I will be certified in project management!  What?!  It all started when a friend of mine was asking about my job, and what it trains people in project management.  Which is zilch.  So after thinking and talking it through, I decided to get some training on my own.  I researched Portland State University's extended studies program, found some Friday classes, made childcare arrangements, and negotiated my work and union to pay for my time and the class so that it covers daycare costs as well.  The decision to go for it, along with rearranging our Friday schedule took place within a couple of days at the beginning of the month - less than a week before the class series began.  Whew.  So, I've been busy.

These classes have me totally thinking of my dad and brother and brother-in-law, since I have this impression that project management is something that the military must train people in regularly (though I have no idea; am I right about this?).  The jargon is kind of male, such as "don't solve the problem, get the problem solved" and "manage expectations".  Part of me gets excited about this stuff, and the other part of me is trying not to roll my eyes.  Or maybe I have just been too heavily influenced by my book club's recent read: The Female Brain (Read this book!  The subject matter will have to be another post soon...)  But the class is not heavily attended by males - in fact, the ratio is 3:1, with more females.  Go girls! 

So that is my new goal in progress.  The good news is that I think it will give me some confidence and build my skills in the workplace, which is just the boost I need.  I've already taken the first couple of classes, which were on "Project Planning".  It sounds a little dry, but it's very hands-on, and it's helping me to organize my thoughts better.  Stay tuned...

listmaker part II

Tracking my earlier list... I have decided not to join a gym for various reasons.  I'm going to try some fitness classes offered at my work.  My wedding album has come to a halt to make way for curtain-making, which I am about a third of the way through.  And I'm spending way too much time on the computer.  But obviously not blogging.

It turns out that I'm not so great at blogging.  I am, however, very good at list-making.  So I will continue to do that. 

I have some new goals, which I have been spending lots of time on, so let's just attribute my slow progress on previously-stated goals to these front-burner, I-am-now-an-adult goals.

1. Purchase life insurance.  We're not sure where to go here - is it better to use a broker and find the best deal, or to go through our regular bank?  It's a little unsettling.  But either way, we need to do something.  Our financial advisor gave us some leads.
2. Finish Estate Planning.  Matthew and I have been meeting with a lawyer, and it's going really well.  Which is good, because it's costing a lot of money.  I am totally in the wrong field.  So at the end of this, we will each have a will and a trust for the children.  The incentive for this is that if we do nothing, and something should happen to us, the state will decide what happens to our kids and all of our assets will be liquidated with no parameters for how any of it will be used.  Yikes.  Plus, Matt and I need a second honeymoon.  Though now we won't be able to afford one.  Hmmmm...

February Album

What a busy month of February!  Obviously too busy to make any progress on previously stated goals (ahem).  Plenty new goals have been forged.  More on that later.  

View Full Album

listmaker

I have a few nagging things to finish up - and some things to start - so here's my quick list:

1. Finish my wedding album.   It's been 10 years!  This is a photo of me and my sis Gina, as I was making my first real attempt at getting this done during our girl's weekend.  I have been collecting all the photos, the album, the paper, and some album bling - like stickers and paper flowers -  for years.  I think I told myself I would finish it before I finished grad school, or at least before we were married five years.  Um, nope.  Then I promised myself to finish it before we started our family.  Or before we had #2.  Oops.  So now I have a real goal - 08.12.2010.  That would be ten years!  Hoping I can do it. 

I should really stop there, if I expect to feel like I can accomplish something soonish.  But I look up and notice that our curtains are halfway done.  The finished part is a SHEER.  It's lovely, but, um, sheer.  So goal #2 is:

2. Finish my bedroom curtains.  I have the fabric and thread.  This should probably be more front-burner, since I often find myself changing clothes in the closet or hiding behind the headboard.  However, my sewing table is also my scrap table.  hmmmm....


3.  Join a gym, for crying out loud.  Preferably one that has some built-in childcare, so that I can take a class on Friday.  Otherwise, I'm looking at 8pm every time I want to work out, which I may want to do, but there are usually no late classes, and I am not sure how I'll ever finish an album or curtains... 

Are goals supposed to be mutually exclusive like this?

some new blog

Inspired by family and friends, I am finally joining the bandwagon of bloggy-bloggersons out there. so here I am, posting a post.

A new year, my short list of resolutions:

1. more time with friends and with family, even if it means sticking our necks out there and throwing a party that leaves us exhausted the next morning (which we did new year's eve, to kick it off - and look how wild it got!) 

My brother and family came out to Portland for our New Year's kick-off, which was only enough time to play with our baby cousin in the snow, make a traditional posole (which involved multiple phone calls to my Mom 1700 miles away), do some window shopping with my sister-in-law with babies in slings, get Fia's ears pierced, and stay up late playing Farkle (really fun to use it as a verb: I farkle. You farkle. She farkles. Especially when it's late and you're drinking a Golden Cadillac.) After they left, I asked myself again why we all live so far apart...

BUT wait - This week marks the first gathering of the women in my family for a retreat of sorts, to celebrate my sister Marie's 40th (!) birthday. First of all, I can't believe we're pulling this off! Yay! This will be my FIRST trip away from home without children in 3+ years! Second of all... 40!!! I remember sneaking in the garage to *tape record* her 16th birthday party (which was co-ed) with my other sister and partner-in-crime. The result was just static - we were a little disappointed, frankly. And kind of, well, losers. So this should be much more fun.

        2.  more time for introspection, so voila.

there you have it, the yin and yang of resolutions.  Blogging is kind of cathartic, but I'm not sure how to sign off. So there.