still waiting for baby

tick tock.

A book review: Raising Cain

I recently finished reading Raising Cain for one of my two(!) book clubs - this book club focuses on mamahood and raising children (my other book club is focused on current fiction, mostly).  It was a pretty sobering book:  the premise is that boys aren't receiving the "emotional literacy" to respond to the situations and changes that they face throughout boyhood - instead they often resort to stoicism or solitude.  The topics of sex, alcoholism, depression, suicide, and violence, for this mother-of-a-four-year-old-boy were a bit alarming.  I definitely became more self-aware and probably self-conscious of everyday interactions with my boy...  maybe even paranoid.  Unlike the other books we've read for our book club, Raising Cain didn't include a "how to" or guidance to prevent such horrible outcomes that were presented as case studies... until the very last chapter.  I am so glad I stuck with it, but WOW.  The book could have been more instructive throughout.  At least to prevent some hyperventilating.

Despite my apprehensions with this book, it was truly enlightening.  Other books we've read, such as How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (which I strongly recommend), also emphasize the need to encourage our children to express their feelings by gently expressing our own.  Raising Cain offered the same advice, only it was not shy about presenting some consequences for not doing this.  And the consequences took many scary forms.

The authors' emphasis on the importance of "emotional literacy" - for which moms and dads play unique roles in shaping - was really eye-opening.  I have so much to be thankful for in that my DH of 10 years has a tremendous capacity to love and express love to our children, and he has had a significant role in their childcare.  Which is apparently a huge deal anecdotally and statistically.  How lucky is this mama?

The other part that really resonated with me, especially because I have a hard time relating to it, focused on the unique behavior of boys that can, well, sometimes drive me crazy - the constant activity, movement, fiddling with everything, impulsiveness, not thinking-before-acting...  This is all pretty new to me, and according to Matthew, the apple hasn't fallen too far from the tree - not his tree, anyway.  I've found myself overwhelmed at times by my need for more order and control (the enfj in me?  particularly the "J" - I knew those project management classes would come in handy).  What?!  A losing battle, clearly.  The book encourages us to embrace this behavior and not respond with too much outright negativity (unless it's entirely appropriate).  Basically, give boys a safe place to express their high level of activity.  Now, that may have seemed obvious, but what a relief for me!  I should not only expect it, but I should celebrate their exuberance.  Celebrate exuberance!  That actually sounds like fun - and just the nudge I needed as I am about to become a mother of two boys... What great advice for me in the year of JOY.

sprinkle dancing

We have found a new playtime activity to beat the cold and rain that simultaneously cleans carpets!  It's called "sprinkle dancing", and it was invented at our house on Saturday.  What a sensation!  Matthew sprinkled the living room rug with my favorite carpet-freshener of baking soda + several drops of lavender essential oil.  The kiddos took turns sprinkling a little more, and then danced, danced, danced on the rug, stomping in all of that lavender goodness.  The whole house smelled beautiful, and I think the kids wore themselves out.  It was pretty fun to watch (but loud).  Matt vacuumed the whole room, and voila!  Clean rug, tired kids. 

finding JOY in the last month of pregnancy…

Here are some quick photos of my last few weeks with a baby belly! 

   
These were taken at the office by my co-worker.  This is my last week of work before a short(?) break and baby decides to come out, then my maternity leave begins…  I’m still enjoying the challenge and pace (slow-fast-slow) of work.  I continue to co-chair a working mom’s affinity group (CityMamas) that provides a good forum for all kinds of discussion regarding home/work balance, and these days I’m beginning to feel like a poster child. 

The funniest thing about being pregnant with my third is I’m often a “confessional” for both men and women on family… “My husband would never go for three.  I had to fight for two.”  “If only we had started sooner, we definitely would have had three.  I don’t want to be 40 and pregnant.”  “I’m going to miss the baby times, but my wife is insistent that we’re done.”  “It’s so expensive, I don’t know how we’d afford it.”  And then there’s a lot of proclamations that are just silly, like “You’re brave.”  “You’re going for it.”  “Three is the new one.”  PLUS, I still get all the questions: what are we going to do about house, daycare, car, etc. etc. 

This has been quite a different experience from either previous pregnancies.  Which is why, this year, I decided to focus my mind on JOY.  Lately, I’m taking it all in stride.  Someone recently said (after I mentioned a possible cross-country trip in my future), “but then you’d have to get a big old van!” to which I responded “I have a big old van!  I’m jumping in with both feet!” 

I am glad that nine months has given me some time to breathe into my new reality and get comfortable and even(!) excited about it.  Early on, I happened upon a website that has a hilarious perspective on having three kids.  It’s called, appropriately, “having three kids”.

And what of all those pesky questions?  My plan is to continue working part-time and start that adventure of three kids in daycare for two to three days a week before Dean heads to kindergarten.  At last, a plan!

The Subaru has sold, the house is slowly coming together for our new baby brother, and even the kids are getting into all the moments of pregnancy:  sympathy pains on the couch as my feet keep cramping, lots of baby belly hugs and kisses…  some of us are even dressing alike

Life is slowing down though; my sew, mama days are dwindling.  A small glimmer of hope exists that I can finish some kitchen curtains during my short break from work before the baby is born, but I’m certainly not counting on it.

Baby continues to move and kick in my body – my little starfish likes to jab several points at the same time.  He’s getting bigger and lower.  So stay tuned… it’s about to get more exciting in our little house!

February Album: Staying warm!

This February, we were preoccupied with keeping warm.  Though it didn’t rain for much of the month, brrrrr!!!  We had lots of ideas for staying warm.  Nani and Gramps also came to see us this month!

Valentine’s card-making!

Nani and Gramps visit!  We head to Oregon Museum of Science and Industry – Egypt exhibit.

Fiona’s favorite: the earthquake generator.  I stayed out.

We took Nani and Gramps to the Smith and Bybee Wetland Recreation area.  It was chilly!

  
After Nani and Gramps left, Dean and Fiona pretended they were also on a long road trip…

It snowed!

   
Curious George exhibit at the Portland Children’s Museum!

   
Keeping busy with floor puzzles! 

waiting for baby

The sweetest development in our life is Fiona’s joyful anticipation of baby.  Her favorite spot is on my lap or near it, staring, rubbing, patting, or kissing “mama’s beh-wee” (many, many times a day). 

She likes to talk about her baby brother, repeating all the words we’ve told her: “baby’s growing” “not come out yet.. in a wittle bit”, “gentle mama’s beh-wee”, “bruh-der, like Dean”, “that’s a baby in there”.

Precious times.

   

Fiona’s baby doll gives her lots of practice at nurturing – strolling, rocking, wearing in a sling.  Being a big sister is going to come naturally! 

     

     

January Album: This is joy

When I look over my photos this month, I see lots of joy – my children playing and being silly with each other and their Daddy,

   

   

keeping us active and laughing (and exhausted!).